Sour Grapes

Remember the implications of selecting a title for your
great American novel …

Read the Fine Print

Just a reminder to writers –

your words can be misinterpreted.

Out of the Mouths of …

… writers. Here are a few of my favorites, especially when I’m feeling a bit frustrated with my “chosen” profession.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand. ~ Raymond Chandler

The first chapter sells the book. The last chapter sells the next book. ~ Mickey Spillane

It is perfectly okay to write garbage–as long as you edit brilliantly. ~ C. J. Cherryh

Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. ~ E.L. Doctorow

Writing is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to those who have none. ~ Jules Renard

One-liners

Good writing doesn’t always have to be serious!

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a phrase or sentence surprises the reader (or listener) to rethink the beginning of the phrase/sentence. It can be used for humorous or dramatic effect.  Stand-up comedians call ’em punchlines, political pundits know them as zingers, mystery writers might use them for a “twist.”

Regardless, they keep our readers (or listeners) on their toes. A  few examples …

• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
• There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
• If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

Got any of your own?

 

 

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We often find inspiration for our writing in the most unexpected places …

After a snowshoe outing, while a group of us were recuperating at the base of Mount Bachelor, my friend (and next door neighbor) told us that she had recently done twenty cartwheels across her living room floor.

photo courtesy of hoyasmeg 11.19.11

I thought she was kidding.

I can’t remember what she said had motivated her to attempt such an activity (she is not a gymnast or circus performer by profession), but I can’t forget the joy I heard in her voice as she described flipping head over heels again and again and again – something she hadn’t even thought of doing since she had been a youngster.

Thus began a conversation about joy, that childlike feeling of wonder and excitement. Not that sense of accomplishment we might have experienced in our lives – college degrees, children, travel, promotions – but something else, a giddy playfulness, if you will. Then the rest of us wondered what might bring that joy for each of us, whether it be watching cartoons, playing jacks, or in my case, I realized, eating Frosted Flakes.

It has become our mantra, our cause célèbre. Aha! the basis for a book, perhaps?

Find Your Cartwheel: Reclaiming Joy in Your Life.

With Six You Get Eggroll

Writers often ask how long their novel should be … if there is a magic number of words or pages –

Unfortunately, there is no set “rule”; a classic work of literature can run an astounding 1424 pages (War and Peace)  or can be told in 96 pages (The Old Man and the Sea). So it’s not the page – or word – count that counts. 

What really matters is that the words chosen tell the story the writer wants to tell. I ran across an exercise a while ago that helps us strip away all the excess verbiage and get to the heart of our stories. The goal is to tell a story in six words – no more, no less.

A great example is: “For Sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.”  (Often attributed to Hemingway, this most likely originated from a  a 1921 newspaper column in which Roy K. Moulton reprinted a note from “Jerry” about  an ad in the Brooklyn Home Talk that read, “Baby carriage for sale, never used.”)

But that’s beside the point. The concept – six words and only six words – is not as easy as it sounds, and much more telling than you might think. Here is another one that came out of one of my writing workshops: Fat. Thin. Fat. Thin. Fat. Thin.

Your turn.

Truth in Advertising …

Though the marketing moguls may have offended some with this AD, I think the play on words is brilliant.

The Battle of the Sexes … Really?

As I waited at McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas to board a flight to Los Angeles, my eyes caught sight of a nearby newsstand. I’m always interested in what the latest publications are, what’s hot in the literary world. But it wasn’t the articles or magazines themselves that intrigued me. I was struck by the ORGANIZATION of the magazines themselves.

Hopefully, you can see (sorry, smart phone photo app does not make me a professional photographer) Forbes and Money and Newsweek on the left side – and Oprah, People, Cosmo, and Vogue on the right. Okay, I get that. Business, serious stuff together – gossip, fun, “light” stuff also together.

What assaulted my gender-free Berkeley college days is the fact that one section is labeled MEN’S INTERESTS and the other WOMEN’S INTERESTS. (If you can’t see this at the top of the displays, can you guess which one is labeled which … and why I’m having an aneurism?)

 

Fifty Shouts of “I Don’t Get It!”

I’m not a fan of the romance novel, but as an editor, I’m always interested in literature (I use this term with trepidation here) that break through and become bestsellers. Think Twilight.

So, for the sake of RESEARCH, I borrowed a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey from my friend (who may or may not choose to remain anonymous) to uncover the mystery behind the madness. Unfortunately, after wading through – or rather, tiptoeing – I’m no closer to understanding why E L James’ tome made it to the big time. In fact, from an editor’s point of view, it shouldn’t have.

The over-abundance of cliche’d phrases (I want to #@*% you, Oh my!), the predictable romantic character names (Christian, Anastasia), the outdated reference to Mrs. Robinson for the “older woman/younger man” relationship (aren’t they cougars?),  the ridiculously trite conversations (“Would you like some tea?” “Yes, please.”), and the almost comical name of the publisher in the story – Mr. J. Hyde – don’t add up to blockbuster to me.

True, the proven “formula” – rich, handsome man meets young, beautiful virgin – is something romance fans count on – and publishers count on for profits. Like the mystery formula – with clues, red herrings, multiple suspects – readers come to expect certain elements. I get that. But I still can’t comprehend why this particular book (yikes, trilogy!) stands taller.

I thought, perhaps, that there was more sex or more explicit sex in this story than is typical in other romances, but my friend (yes, there really is a friend who loaned me the book; I did not buy it under an assumed name) assured me that this is not unique. I thought, perhaps, the fact that the entire story is in present tense (He takes me into his playroom as opposed to He took me into his playroom) was more appealing, but it turns out my friend (and other friends) did not even notice this!

Is it that this story – based on a dominant/submissive relationship – is one that women secretly desire? That the glass ceiling we have fought so hard to break through, the academic shackles (I did not say handcuffs!) we have struggled to release ourselves from, the kitchen (and bedroom) we have escaped from are all for naught (please, do not think “naughty”).

Obviously, the advice I give to aspiring writers – be unique, don’t be repetitive, etc. – does not necessarily guarantee success either. My new mantra? Submit manuscripts using initials (EL  James –  JK Rowlings) Hmmm.

The bookshelf beckons

Took another little break from manuscript “surgery” to remind myself how wonderful it is to be surrounded by books, books, books!